Toxic Workplaces

Trying to figure out what should be acceptable and what shouldn’t be at a workplace and what exactly makes the best of the workplaces toxic?

I have been thinking quite a lot about it and have come to believe that the world doesn’t need bosses, but leaders. Visionaries that inspire you to do better. Those that believe in you, believe your actions and are a part of your growth. Those that entrust you with responsibilities to not blame you when things go wrong but to teach you as to why things didn’t work. If learning is an ongoing process and an employee is supposed to learn new things every day, it’s the job of the leader to teach them new things. There’s no shame in learning hence there’s should be no shame in teaching, yet how many bosses teach?  

The other thing with toxic places is that they make workers slog like bonded laborer, expecting them to toil outside the working hours, expecting to work overtime, every day. Why do people work? We have probably gotten it all wrong! We all work because perhaps that’s the only thing we are good at, we have spent enough time of our lives doing what we do, so much so that we start finding solace in the discomfort and toxicity of the very place that takes away our piece of mind. Then again you can’t be in shackles and talk confidently about freedom, there are very few things that are actually valuable in life and anybody that tells you otherwise is lying, money is no doubt important but there’s a price that needs to be paid. It baffles me how people sell their soul and it’s commendable how they believe it’s righteous.

I don’t know how to work as a goner, because I have always put my heart and soul into everything, I am hold accountable for, exactly why I take it personally when my work or I am questioned. I don’t know why people think its ok to stomp over someone’s pride, for me it’s not ok. Loud blaring voices, shouting and calling names is unacceptable, and anybody who thinks its normal has made peace with the devil!  That’s another problem I have with toxic workplaces, where people think it’s their right to belittle people, whenever, wherever they deem fit. Honestly, it’s not!

I am sure, a lot of such places exist, anyway also glad for not being a part of an organization that leeches on to their employees and takes away their best from them, leaving them in doubt and ambiguity; another characteristic of a toxic place that makes you doubt your capabilities!

Stronger than before

If I ever have to choose between my heart and mind, I’d choose heart, time and again, always! The only reason is that the mind creates illusions, heart doesn’t; heart on the contrary is naïve it believes what it sees, and it doesn’t know reasoning. Even this time I chose to listen to my heart, and I am glad I did. Happiness I’d find you even in the dreariest of places, but sanity I need peace to find you. Four years, almost and it seems like I was losing a grip on life, existence had become painful and disdainful. So while I was amidst the struggle, he showed an exit, and life, an opportunity. Finally I could be someone more than I had imagined. Took me sometime, more than a month but I bounced back! Yes, this is me and such is life, I have been blessed with forgetfulness, I forget what makes me unhappy.

I came to senses and how is what I have segregated in parts, read if you’re going through a tough time. Maybe this will make sense.

Part 1- Denial

Bad things happen, we all get jolted by a sudden shocking episode that makes us or breaks us. We can’t stop the inevitable and we all understand that part yet when it eventually occurs we can’t believe it really happened to us. Yes, so I really couldn’t believe it. I am not a bad person, I didn’t deserve what happened, but it did and those I thought were close allies turned out to be too scared to stand by. So this was life asking me to accept them, eventually we are all looking out for ourselves. I still couldn’t believe the reality and this denial went on for a while, until I made it unbearable for those who loved me.

Part 2 – Realisation

As you grow old you realise you will be hurt time and again by almost everyone, at some point or the other, but eventually it’s a choice. You may or may not want to feel hurt especially if the person hurting has a temporary role in your life. Someone once told me, nothing’s permanent and now I understand even feelings aren’t. So I am over the hurt. I was sad, mostly angry but the anger within was consuming my self esteem. Every day I got up I felt emptier than before, it’s a depressing feeling. On some days I couldn’t sleep, and on the others I just wouldn’t wake up. This perpetual dialogue of why, how, and when, with the soul inside acted as a major obstacle. I knew I had to come to senses before sanity made peace with the incorrigible madness, but I didn’t know how to do it. At least I knew I was getting somewhere, I recognised the problem. Took me a lot more than I can actually pen down, but I learnt that I couldn’t let the temporary affect the permanent. What has happened is in the past, I couldn’t ruin a beautiful future sitting and moping. I decided to let go…

Part 3- love

Love is a generic word but it really helped. Actually, it always helps. Every time I wander away, it’s the love of people in my life that shows me the way back. So while I was struggling with my issues and felt utterly worthless my husband never let me astray. He let me contemplate but didn’t let me go. This is one reason I bounced back quicker than most. So, every time you feel challenged find that one soul, we all have that someone we can fall back on. Let them take care of you, let them guide you. No matter how wounded or vulnerable I am, I always feel strong with him around, find that source of constant energy. I am glad I held on, and I am glad he let me.

So having said that, I know things won’t stay the same always, happiness will still be ephemeral and I will still have my weak moments but I also know that I won’t give up. I won’t let my weakness take the best of me, rather I’d let it make me strong. I will get depressed again and again I will feel incompetent but I will have to learn to trust myself. I have existed and survived and it’s not something I cannot do anymore.