Tag: #poetsofwordpress

Summer Nostalgia

Today while playing hide and seek,

We realised there weren’t plenty of places to hide;

Neither tree trunks, nor slides inside,

How in the world do we even pass our time?

It’s been ages that missy went outside,

or ran after a detached kite,

She doesn’t know any kids her age,

and doesn’t know the fun of summer break!

She hides inside on seeing a new face,

Only house helps are her saving grace…

I remember when we were her age,

We used to look forward to summer days!

Climbing up the tree and cycling unceasingly,

everything done assiduously!

The fun it was, to stay back at granny’s place,

and laze around reading,

Tintin, Asterix & Obelix the entire day!

Video game parlours were always full,

and life in summers was never dull!

We used to wait in excitement for the candy floss man,

And ran like maniacs behind the ice cream van.

The evenings were spent not in the park but fields,

where each had occupied space for their teams;

Cricket & soccer were the obvious sports,

nevertheless, someone always chalked out the ground for pitthu & stappo.

Evenings came and so did all the mums to the ground,

they sat on the bench and gossiped around;

the summers I remember were crazy and warm,

it makes me nostalgic but I remember most of the smells and sound!

I remember how my friends called me from 3 blocks away,

Their persistent shrieks would always brighten my day…

I remember the smell that encroached the veranda to reach my room,

The beautiful white ‘raat ki rani’, spread across the garden, in full bloom.

These are all recollections of my summer memories,

I am scared missy would have a different experience than this.

The times have changed, and I pray they change again,

Before she grows up, I want to live it all with her,

Once again!

lost in translation

They say it doesn’t matter,
They say it doesn’t hurt
but the pain stays longer,
and no comfort is enough!
Memories just don’t disappear,
And dialogues keep resurfacing…
The times of togetherness,
Cause pain that’s undying
There’s no respite or freedom,
From the everlasting longing…
There’s no place or dwelling,
With any sense of belonging.
Have been re-visiting moments,
Have been writing stories,
Trying to find that person again
Who’s deeply etched in my memory.

Stronger than before

If I ever have to choose between my heart and mind, I’d choose heart, time and again, always! The only reason is that the mind creates illusions, heart doesn’t; heart on the contrary is naïve it believes what it sees, and it doesn’t know reasoning. Even this time I chose to listen to my heart, and I am glad I did. Happiness I’d find you even in the dreariest of places, but sanity I need peace to find you. Four years, almost and it seems like I was losing a grip on life, existence had become painful and disdainful. So while I was amidst the struggle, he showed an exit, and life, an opportunity. Finally I could be someone more than I had imagined. Took me sometime, more than a month but I bounced back! Yes, this is me and such is life, I have been blessed with forgetfulness, I forget what makes me unhappy.

I came to senses and how is what I have segregated in parts, read if you’re going through a tough time. Maybe this will make sense.

Part 1- Denial

Bad things happen, we all get jolted by a sudden shocking episode that makes us or breaks us. We can’t stop the inevitable and we all understand that part yet when it eventually occurs we can’t believe it really happened to us. Yes, so I really couldn’t believe it. I am not a bad person, I didn’t deserve what happened, but it did and those I thought were close allies turned out to be too scared to stand by. So this was life asking me to accept them, eventually we are all looking out for ourselves. I still couldn’t believe the reality and this denial went on for a while, until I made it unbearable for those who loved me.

Part 2 – Realisation

As you grow old you realise you will be hurt time and again by almost everyone, at some point or the other, but eventually it’s a choice. You may or may not want to feel hurt especially if the person hurting has a temporary role in your life. Someone once told me, nothing’s permanent and now I understand even feelings aren’t. So I am over the hurt. I was sad, mostly angry but the anger within was consuming my self esteem. Every day I got up I felt emptier than before, it’s a depressing feeling. On some days I couldn’t sleep, and on the others I just wouldn’t wake up. This perpetual dialogue of why, how, and when, with the soul inside acted as a major obstacle. I knew I had to come to senses before sanity made peace with the incorrigible madness, but I didn’t know how to do it. At least I knew I was getting somewhere, I recognised the problem. Took me a lot more than I can actually pen down, but I learnt that I couldn’t let the temporary affect the permanent. What has happened is in the past, I couldn’t ruin a beautiful future sitting and moping. I decided to let go…

Part 3- love

Love is a generic word but it really helped. Actually, it always helps. Every time I wander away, it’s the love of people in my life that shows me the way back. So while I was struggling with my issues and felt utterly worthless my husband never let me astray. He let me contemplate but didn’t let me go. This is one reason I bounced back quicker than most. So, every time you feel challenged find that one soul, we all have that someone we can fall back on. Let them take care of you, let them guide you. No matter how wounded or vulnerable I am, I always feel strong with him around, find that source of constant energy. I am glad I held on, and I am glad he let me.

So having said that, I know things won’t stay the same always, happiness will still be ephemeral and I will still have my weak moments but I also know that I won’t give up. I won’t let my weakness take the best of me, rather I’d let it make me strong. I will get depressed again and again I will feel incompetent but I will have to learn to trust myself. I have existed and survived and it’s not something I cannot do anymore.