Till sometime back I used to be the most pessimistic person. My behaviour made me cynical to the extent that I was viewing things from a very different perspective. I was blaming myself for anything bad that happened to me. I wasn’t ready to trust people. Life is unfair, I told myself every second of the day and it was always I who paid exorbitantly for other people’s mistake. Nothing has changed, I am still the same person but I feel different. I am still confused with the way life is progressing but I don’t blame anyone for my problems. Life will never be same, as I am growing older, I need to become wiser and I have to earn enough experience before I start trying to understand anything cosmic. I was never supposed to understand how life works. It’s mystical, we need to let it unfold on its own. I have come to believe that the reason why someone else’s life is better than mine is because they are a different person. Each one of us is a different make, we came out differently, we were moulded differently, there’s a reason why we have different DNA and unique fingerprints. I was never supposed to be Steve jobs, I am supposed to be myself and I need to celebrate my being every day.
There were things that I learnt and there are things that I am learning every day. I started by opening my mind to possibilities but I didn’t let them restrict me. I learnt that everything that I do can be done differently using various approaches. I started calculating the repercussions each possibility would have. Yes, I confused myself in the process but I learnt how to weigh the good and the bad of every situation.
I don’t conclude things in the very beginning. I give them time to progress, to mature. Till sometime back I would judge a situation as it appeared; now I wait, wait for things to mature because I have learnt that most of our actions are the artefacts of the circumstances we are in. I have come to understand that I will never know any person or a situation ever, seasons change and we need to as well, to survive, to make through the day and to exist. I now believe, if my heart doesn’t agree to someone’s behaviour, my mind will have to because that person is how he is because of his present situation. That shouldn’t affect me, it is already affecting them and I can’t burden them with an opinion.
I have learnt bad things will happen. Sooner or later we will all come across a life altering event. The severity of which will be so intense that you’d lose yourself to problems knocking down like dominoes, one after the other. These moments will be nerve wrecking, every second will test your patience. Life will come to a standstill and your mind will race marathons. I have been there, I have sat in the dark, dejected, disappointed, and depressed only to realise I was letting the worst take over my best. I realised I could either sit there forever to see the world move like a bullet train or be a part of the train and deal with my problems one by one. My problems aren’t over, I am still dealing with them, one at a time but I don’t allow them to destroy me anymore. Now, I face my problems as they come, it became easier when I realised that the pain of facing them was exactly as long and as much as the one that I faced during getting injected. They shy away the moment you face them or maybe the newly found courage amps up your morale.
So yes, as they say, giving up seems like the easier thing to do, don’t! you may make excuses and get away but the problem will remain, deep down you’d always know the truth and that will never let you live peacefully. Have patience, it’s called virtue for a reason. Take time, and don’t care, you may feel like the last in the race but for as long as you are a part of the race its OK. I am not scared of failing anymore, failures have taught me the value of the prize. The real award is peace of mind and now I focus on accomplishing that.